in the beginning

Once upon a time, Ruggian Mom rang us in Kalkatroona, quite excited over some impending permanent guests. These magical visitors would soon serenely wander her mountain top home, spreading their feathers, gracing us with their prehistoric presence. Isn't it exciting? She asked, bubbly, just knowing I would share in her excitement.

ARE YOU CRAZY THOSE BIRDS WILL BE THE END OF ANY PEACE YOU HAVE was my exact response. THEY SHRIEK LIKE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD THEY ARE MEAN INSANE THINGS THEY ATTACK YOU AND BLOCK TWO TON CARS FROM GOING ANYWHERE AND THEY WILL WAKE YOU AT TWO IN THE MORNING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!

Ruggian Mom was surprised at my passionate response to a situation she was sure I would jump into with both feet. Yes, I am ordinarily game for most things out of the ordinary, but you must understand, at this point, I had heard several horror stories about these creatures. (I may have also been hormonal.) Hands down, the funniest cautionary tale was emilykate's australian mafiosa peacock. I quote: "you're never going to have a good encounter with a peacock."

But the homing pen was already built, so in they came. We visited, sure to be repeatedly accosted physically and mentally by the things... and instead found a docile peacock and peahen, timid really, and only too happy to sit in their pen and eat blueberries delicately out of our outstretched hands. And for the rest of that visit, I was teased: Oh ooooooona, those peacocks are SO mean, aren't they? I'm scared to go outside!

Alright, whatever, I can admit it when i'm wrong. (I can, really, just not out loud.) Maybe only australian peacocks are lunatics, I thought. After all, isn't everything more dangerous over there? I fed them berries, and gazed at their feathers, and ended up oohing and aahing with the best of them.

And now, just one short year later, oh! They've grown so much. One might even say they're teenagers, the boy being very interested in the girl, the feathered plumage growing in color and length, ah! Such a wonder is nature.

Cut to: Four-in-the-morning wake up calls from what you're sure must be a coked out woman in dire peril or a housecat on steroids. That would be the boy one. He's ticked off because the girl one is SO not into him.

Ruggian Mom says, we'll just let the girl out of the pen. He'll calm down, and she's so sweet. It's true. Juliet picks berries from Ruggy's hand and proceeds to follow him from window to window throughout the house like he's her new boyfriend. And Romeo ceases his incessant yelling for the night.

So yeah, let's let that cock out too. How bad could it be?

This morning, I awoke to a trail of brilliant feathers gliding past my bedroom window. Seconds later, Romeo was gazing at me, beautiful blue head clicking from side to side. I AM wrong, I thought. It really IS nice to have these strange birds floating around. It's magical! So special to wake up to th---

THWACKBANGKICK KICK KICK

Romeo hurls himself at the window inches away from my face in what I am told is an attempt to battle the peacock he sees in the reflection. It looks more like he wants to battle ME.

I sit up, blink, get dressed, as boy bird continues to brain himself against the glass. By the time I leave the bedroom, he's caterwauling.

That's him, poised to strike.

BIRD. Just so you know: I am always right. And I would WIN. You best bring an army.